All last year choruses of women raised their left hands to sing along with Beyonce that “if he liked it then he shoulda put a ring on it!” Even the Chipettes got in on the action. Whether it’s a solitaire or surrounded by baguettes, diamonds have maintained the reputation of being a girl’s best friend, especially when it comes to proposals. Jewelry companies pander to the fantasies of women that if he really means it, if he really loves you, he’ll give you a big, fat “fill in the blank brand” diamond. It’s practically second nature to ask about “the ring” when you hear one of your friends has gotten engaged. Many a nose has turned up at the sight of a cloudy, tiny, speck of a ring. For some the ring symbolizes a well thought out plan to commit and invest in a sustaining relationship. Some prefer to shop for the ring with their partner while others prefer to be surprised. But what if your significant other doesn’t have the money for a ring?
Unless you’re filthy rich, the current economic “slow down” in America has undoubtedly impacted your lifestyle in some way, shape or form. I recently had a conversation with a sociologist friend of mine and he insisted that no woman would accept a proposal without a ring, particularly black women. He shared a few thoughts, to which I countered that if a woman feels truly loved and committed to by her partner, she would understand if he couldn’t afford a ring and would likely accept the proposal anyway. But maybe that’s just me…Vyne readers, what do you think. Would you accept a proposal from the person you love without a ring?
The story of the number of single, successful, black women has now made the mainstream media — as a news segment on Nightline. Though many of us have experienced it, talked about it, and read about it, seeing the staggering statistics is still tough: 42% of black women have never been married — double the # of white women. Ouch.
Feel free to watch the Nightline segment and read the article. Then tell us what you think. Could you relate or are you sick of seeing/hearing another story about this?
By Keesha Boyd
It seems like every time I’m on the phone or out to eat with my single girlfriends the conversation almost inevitably turns into a discussion about the plight of dating. Not that we don’t also discuss politics, work, pop culture, etc. But at some point we find ourselves swapping those good ol’ entertaining “single stories.” I’ve heard stories ranging from men with weird dining habits that surfaced during the date and men announcing their fascination with dating women of color, to men whose idea of a date is laying up on your couch with his feet kicked up on your coffee table. Then there’s the ever popular man who just flat out lies about his status, job, interest in you, or that girl who keeps blowing up his cell phone, etc. Regardless of the experience, single ladies the world over continue to brave the dating scene in hopes of finding “Mr. Right…for me.” Whether the scene is the internet, a speed dating session, or an organized singles meet up, women continue to explore all possibilities. Although I’ve yet to venture into “internet” dating, several of my friends have and much to my surprise they have experienced positive outcomes. But by and large , they are still kissing the same amount of “internet” frogs as the next girl, despite the tedious up front profile process.
All of these fascinating, heart-breaking, funny and appalling stories (including my own) that get swapped over wine and appetizers, could probably yield some great advice for another single lady. So here goes Vyne readers! Let’s start a “dating lessons learned” list for all single women to benefit from. Sure you have your self-help books out there, but how about sharing some REAL advice, from REAL women, based on REAL experiences from our dating lives? Post your advice and lessons learned in the comments section below. Let’s hear it ladies!
Photo Courtesy of Racialicious.com
If you’re a single black woman, educated, accomplished, attractive, with no known crazy tendencies, then chances are you’ve had this statement said to you. Can you remember your reaction? Did you respond with a sarcastic, “I can’t believe it either!”? Or maybe you laughed it off while simultaneously giving the person the “what for” in your mind! What ever your reaction was, you likely didn’t appreciate the comment.
Article after article has been written about the alleged “epidemic” of single black women, each trying to answer the question “why are so many black women single?” Research continues to show that the percentage of black women who are unmarried is double that of white women. Other research and editorials site lack of desire to get married and too picky as reasons why more black women are single when compared to other groups of women. A couple of years ago, Oprah got in on the conversation with a special segment on single black women. Even CNN’s special, Black in America, took a shot at it by filming a focus group of black men and women discussing the state of black relationships. Although quite entertaining, they struggled, as do many articles and programs on this topic (this article included!) to really answer the question in a way that suggests the existence of a solution. Often the answers focus on the perceived material needs of single black women (e.g. money, education, property, etc.) or on their actions, attributes and choices without a balanced investigation into the actions, attributes and choices of single black men.
But even if the investigation into this topic were balanced and society asked just as many men “why are you single?” as we do women there’s no guarantee we’d come up with any better answers than what the current research and editorials show. Which begs the question, is the growing number of single black women an issue that can be resolved or an “evolutionary” epidemic with no definitive solution? Let us know what you think.