Tag Archives: Self-Help

Live Your Life in HD!

By Keesha Boyd

HD or high definition. The difference between a “decent television picture” and a “vibrant, alive, detailed, sharp, crisp, stand-out, visually awing image.” Don’t worry, I’m not asking you to go out and buy a high definition television. I am, however, asking how many of you are living a “decent television picture” type of life versus living your life in HD?

Here’s how you can tell. If you find yourself tumbling your way through your nine to five week, rejoicing as you get past hump day only to make it to the weekend and simply do the same mundane things you did the previous weekend then you’re probably not living in HD. If you can’t think of the last time you made a real big impact on someone or something, or if answering the question “tell us something unique about you” stresses you out because you can’t think of anything, chances are, you’re not living your life in HD.  And finally, if you have ever felt like you’re just existing, or worse, living with your “decent television picture” life on “mute” or in “black and white”, then you know you’re not living your life in HD.

We all have the capacity to live a life in HD…a life full of vibrant color, authenticity, and special details. A life in HD is a life that is a “stand-out, visually awing image” of everything that is uniquely you. It’s a life that makes you and everyone around you feel like your “television” is on, not in black and white and definitely not on mute.

If you’re ready to start living your life in bold HD, then here are a few tips to get you started:

1)   Do Good…Feel Good –If you’re spending the majority of your day doing something that you don’t really enjoy (e.g. your job) then it’s increasingly important that you try to balance that time out by doing at least one thing each day that brings you some enjoyment. Whether that’s taking in a movie, spending time with someone you enjoy, volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about, taking a walk through a museum, reading a good book, exercising….the list is endless. Know what it is that makes you feel good and be sure you’re spending time each week doing that thing. You’d be amazed how much it will replenish your “color” throughout the week.

2)   Don’t Blend In – What do the clothes that you wear each day say about you? Do they say, “I’m here, I’m me, I’m loving my shape and dressing it beautifully” or do they say “please don’t look at me, I just threw this on”? How you appear to the world is also what you will attract. Take an interest in yourself through your wardrobe and the world will take an interest and “tune in” to you. Need some tips on how to style yourself, check out this article.

3)   Know What You Stand For and Stand For It – Is there a cause that you’re passionate about? If so, don’t sit on the sidelines for it anymore, get in the fight. If you don’t have a cause that you’re passionate about yet, give it some thought. Having a cause to fight for, volunteer your time with and feel passionate about adds a “vibrant special detail” to your life.

4)   Sharpen Yourself – Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn? Maybe a new language or a new skill? If so, then go ahead and “sharpen your picture” by learning to do that new thing. Or, if you feel like you have some introspection to do in order to “sharpen your picture” then perhaps it’s time to look into getting a therapist for a while to help you get yourself back on track. There are plenty of ways to “sharpen your picture”, figure out what it takes for you and then begin to do whatever it is, as soon as you can.

5)   Surround Yourself With Beauty – When you look around your home, is it a “visually awing image” of who you are? Does it feel like a beautiful oasis that you can marvel at and that revives you? When you walk in does it feel warm and comforting? If not, figure out what visually stimulates you or what you find beautiful, and add it to your home. It can be a particular color palette,  a great piece of art or a soothing scent like lavender or simply clearing out the clutter in your home (for feng shui tips click here). For as much time as you spend in your home it should be filled with your version of beauty so that you can soak it up while you’re there and share it with the world when you’re out.

Are you living your life in HD? If so, share your tips here with us!

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“Temptations of the Single Girl”

Not long ago a good girlfriend of mine, whom I affectionately call “Gordy”, loaned me a book she received from her sister. It’s a self-help dating book called “Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid” by Nina Atwood. Lately, most dating self-help books that hit the market are some comics entertaining rendition of trite advice wrapped around a punch-line (no judgment).  So I was eager to see what this book had to offer. I was pleased to find out that the author is indeed a licensed therapist, so I commenced to reading. And boy am I glad that I did.

If you can get past the ridiculously cheesy cover, what’s great about this book is that it’s told in a story format, centered on the main character, a woman named Kelly. Kelly is your typical single woman who’s fortunate in all areas of her life with exception to dating. She get’s offered the opportunity to work with a “dating coach” and the story unfolds as she continues going through her dating life and meeting with her “dating coach” regularly for insight, reflection and guidance on her decisions related to the men in her life.

You’ll find that each chapter is like sitting in on a real counseling session. Having been trained as a psychological therapist myself, I can say that Nina Atwood (the author) does a great job of offering meaningful self-help tips in such a way that provokes you to think about your own situation.

Here’s an exert from the back cover of the book:

Meet Kelly, a charming, pretty everywoman. She’s successful, intelligent, financially secure – and notorious for making bad decisions when it comes to men. As Kelly travels the bumpy road back to self-care, she sidesteps one emotional rut only to land squarely in another. But every time she dusts herself off and gets back into the groove, she comes one step closer to being an emotionally healthy woman who is ready and able to welcome true love into her life.

As with any self-help book, you apply the learnings that fit with your life and whatever doesn’t you take it for what it’s worth. The book is written in such a way that you get to accompany Kelly on her “journey of self-discovery” and get tips from an actual therapist along the way. Additionally, threaded throughout a few chapters in the book are a few subtle spiritual nuggets of advice, but nothing overwhelming or judgmental if you’re not a Christian. So if you’re looking for a practical, relatable self-help book for dating, give this one a try.

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But You Say He’s Just A Friend

Experts say the best relationships are the ones that have a strong friendship as the foundation on which the relationship is built. Pick up any self-help book and you’re sure to find guidance about the importance of forging a friendship before getting serious with a person. So let’s say you take the advice of the relationship gurus and invest in the time to build a friendship with your wonderful, shiny new guy before getting into a serious relationship. Fast forward a couple few years, you’re in the relationship, tumbling your way through the ups and downs, the countless “girl you won’t believe what he did” sessions, peppered with the trips you’ve taken, family mingling and secret thoughts of what your wedding dress would look like, until finally (much to your dismay)…you break up. Now comes the dilemma, do you stay friends or not? In the age of all things Facebook, very often men will make the “let’s be friends” suggestion. On the one hand, you could put your big girl boots on and (gulp) maintain a friendship where bygones are bygones. But if the thought of him telling you about his new girlfriend makes you want to break into the latest Beyonce “I don’t need him” song, then can you really consider this a friendship? Does secretly hoping for more mean the friendship is a farce that’s setting you up for delayed reoccurring heartbreak? The reality is you’ve shared a lot with this person so letting go is understandably not easy. That said, the “friend” zone is often used to bridge that gap but you have to wonder, how long before the need for authenticity slowly erodes that bridge?

What do you think Vyne Readers, can you really be friends with your ex or is it better to cut your losses and move on?

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Valentine’s Schmalentine’s

Okay single ladies, its Valentine’s Day 2010, and once again you’re fielding the ever popular question “so what are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” or “did ‘what’s his name’ ask you out for Valentine’s Day?” They’re not the worst questions a single girl can be asked but often they’re just plain awkward. You know the “I can’t believe you just asked me that-please get up out my business” kind of awkward?  Here’s the deal ladies, no need to be bitter or commence with the sideways looks and sarcastic responses to the “nosey nellys” in your life.  It goes without saying that it’s totally okay to not have any romantic plans for Valentine’s Day. In fact, why not go all out with your non-romantic plans and try a few of these fun “Valentine’s Schmalentine’s” Day ideas:

Impromptu Valentine’s Schmalentine’s Party – Invite a few girl friends over and have everyone bring a food they enjoy eating and one cheesy Valentine’s Day gift (e.g. mini-stuffed animal, tacky boxers, candy, etc.). Make a signature cocktail for the evening, swap gifts, eat and be merry.

Declare it “I love ME” Day – Not that you need an excuse to do something special for yourself. But why not declare this Valentine’s Day, “I love ME” Day! Decide to spend the day or weekend doing special little somethings just for yourself. If you had your eye on that cute pair of jeans (check out a new Vyne fav Paige Jeggings) or that hot bag, grab it! It’s your day!

Movies and Mocha – Grab a cup of Godiva hot cocoa (a Vyne fav!) or a small pint of Haagen Dazs dark chocolate ice cream and check out these funny romantic comedies. No tears just laughs! Here are some ideas: Along Came Polly, Dan In Real Life, What Happens in Vegas

Have any other cool Valentine’s Schmalintine’s Day ideas? Let us know!


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2010: The Movement

At the end of each year, Kailei and I meditate on what we want to manifest and come to fruition in our lives throughout the coming year. For us, it’s an exercise in waiting on divine inspiration to hit us. When it does hit us, we declare a theme for the year based on that inspiration and then we share it with all our friends. So this year’s theme is, 2010: The Movement.

If you have been waiting on divine intervention to move you physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually out of the rut you were in, then 2010 is your year. This is the year when each and every one of us will see our passions, goals, desires and dreams move into place for us. 2010 is the year where you get off that broken record of negativity, doubt, fear and anxiety and move into a place of positive, affirmative, confident and healthy thinking. This is the year your life takes up a ground swelling, tidal wave of blessings that move you into a place overflowing  with the achievement you’ve been waiting for, celebrations you didn’t expect, peace that radiates around you and happiness in all the areas of your life. 2010 is The Movement…and The Movement is YOU!

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All the Single Ladies: Dating Lessons Learned

DatingBy Keesha Boyd

It seems like every time I’m on the phone or out to eat with my single girlfriends the conversation almost inevitably turns into a discussion about the plight of dating. Not that we don’t also discuss politics, work, pop culture, etc. But at some point we find ourselves swapping those good ol’ entertaining “single stories.” I’ve heard stories ranging from men with weird dining habits that surfaced during the date and men announcing their fascination with dating women of color, to men whose idea of a date is laying up on your couch with his feet kicked up on your coffee table. Then there’s the ever popular man who just flat out lies about his status, job, interest in you, or that girl who keeps blowing up his cell phone, etc. Regardless of the experience, single ladies the world over continue to brave the dating scene in hopes of finding “Mr. Right…for me.” Whether the scene is the internet, a speed dating session, or an organized singles meet up, women continue to explore all possibilities. Although I’ve yet to venture into “internet” dating, several of my friends have and much to my surprise they have experienced positive outcomes. But by and large , they are still kissing the same amount of “internet” frogs as the next girl, despite the tedious up front profile process.

All of these fascinating, heart-breaking, funny and appalling stories (including my own) that get swapped over wine and appetizers, could probably yield some great advice for another single lady. So here goes Vyne readers! Let’s start a “dating lessons learned” list for all single women to benefit from. Sure you have your self-help books out there, but how about sharing some REAL advice, from REAL women, based on REAL experiences from our dating lives?  Post your advice and lessons learned in the comments section below. Let’s hear it ladies!


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